Sunday, November 11, 2007

In Harmony

It's a struggle to get Grandson into a bathroom in any of the Ottawa museums because their thrones are all watched over by The Electric Eye, the master of the great, sudden, sucking, high-decibel, child-devouring flush. Grandson is absolutely terrified of those automatic toilets.

I can get him to go with me into the Women/Femmes - when he gets desperate enough - if I use a combination of reassurance ("I've already been in there, and they really aren't that loud") and a bite of the reality sandwich ("You're dancing, you have to go, and if you don't go pretty soon, you're going to wet your pants"). Once convinced/strong-armed, we get into a stall and I shut the door. This is when it gets dicey. Imagine being contained in a 3 x 4' space with a kid who is suddenly startled and sent into terrified flight... a kid who has a running garden hose he can't let go of. Sometimes I get the monster to flush immediately (as soon as the door is locked and he can't escape and before he gets his belt unbuckled) so as to prove that the automatic flush isn't as bad as he imagines, but that tactic undermines future trust in Grandma.


Exacerbating the whole matter is the fact that the ever-diligent Electric Eye can't seem to figure out what to do when it detects the movements of two people in the stall. Like the ass-kisser that it truly is, the E.E. invariably flushes more than once, making the point that it is never lax in its duties.

Our last museum visit was to what Grandson calls "the dinosaur museum" (otherwise known as The Museum of Nature). We had a great time and managed to survive the one and only toilet encounter, then we found an Ethiopian restaurant for dinner. To his great relief, this eatery was in an old building with an old bathroom...

The meal was spicy and very good, and eaten with your fingers: small mounds of food are placed on a large crepe-like injera. You tear off a small piece of the injera and use it to pick up a "pinch" of one food or another, so no silverware is needed. Grandson enjoyed it and seemed completely oblivious to the fact that we were practically the only white folks in the place.

After dinner we began the drive home, and as we traveled along the four-lane I turned to the back seat and said, "You know, we all have fears, things we're afraid of." Grandson was quick to reply, "I'm afraid of flushing toilets and the boiler." (The boiler "lives" in our mudroom and has terrified him irrationally since he was very young). I said, "Yes, I know you are, and I wish I could take away your fears."

A beat of silent thought; then, "Well I'll talk to Jesus about that."

I answer that sure, that might be a good idea, and I sound like I mean it. His parents take him to church, and apparently he's soaking up the message. Okay, I think, I used to believe in Jesus. And Santa Claus. And the Easter Bunny. If it gives him comfort in this world, that can only be a good thing.

A minute later I start to say something and he says, "Be quiet, Grandma, Jesus is whispering in my ear." (!) I obey, wait another minute, and then ask, "So what did Jesus tell you?"

"That these fears are okay for me to have."

"Well, that's good," I say, and Husband and I suppress amazed giggles.

A day later, it was Husband who made the musical connection. We had been listening to a Lucinda Williams CD on the way to Ottawa that morning. One of her songs, Lake Charles, contains the lines:

Did an angel whisper in your ear
Hold you close
Take away your fears
In those long, last moments

There is a game Husband and I sometimes play. We'll be discussing some event or topic, and he'll say, "Okay Wizard, what's the song?" I then quote a line from the lyrics of a song that succinctly sums up the point of discussion. (I know a lot of songs). Without realizing it, I had borrowed the third line from Lucinda's chorus when I told Grandson I wished I could take away his fears. What warms this grandma's heart is that apparently he remembered the lyrics too, and his reply made use of the first two lines.

26 comments:

darkfoam said...

i'm not very fond of the all seeing eye either....
..."a running garden hose he can't let go of"...what a priceless statement ...lol

and it seems he's got an year for lyrics just like you do ..
and perhaps also for his sunday school classes.

Robin said...

Damn. What a sweet story....

Kati said...

Seriously a great story. Your grandson sounds like a great kid, and it's great that he has you & your hubby to be there & watch over him & take care of him. May he soon outgrow these fears, and not replace them with new fears.

meggie said...

That is a great story. I particularly like the song connection, because I often have a song for every occasion too!

We dont seem to have those EE flushing toilets here!

Linda G. said...

A charming story! I still remember being terrified of steam pipes in the ceiling of the girls bathroom when I was in first grade.
I wish I'd had you there to reassure me:)

whimsical brainpan said...

Your Grandson is amazing!

Be sure to let him know that those automatic toilets creep out some adults too.

Pink Icing said...

Wonderful tale. How lovely to have Grandma and Grandson time!
Don't let him ever try these toilet pods we have in Europe, he might not recover. You pop you money in and get a few minutes to do your business before the 'EE' flushes and sanitises the entire cubicle. Oh yeah that is after it has automatically opened the door to show you to the entire population of the city center....

Rick Rockhill said...

that gave me a nice visual as well. I do enjoy your writing style.

Em said...

The image of the two of you trapped in a stall with a repeatedly flushing toilet is pretty funny. But I'm glad he found his answers in those angel whispers. :)

Voyager said...

Smart, wonderful boy! You are all so lucky to have each other. And those automatic toilets spook me too.
V.

DirkStar said...

Hello, Wiz!

The Lone Beader® said...

I find it hard to believe that anyone would actually put Jesus in the same category as the Easter Bunny & Santa Claus... :/

Judy said...

Beader –

Santa and the Easter Bunny are both real and larger than life in the minds of many children in this country. They are loved by many and they offer the promise of wonderful gifts. Beliefs and traditions have grown up around them. Although there are places a child can go to see representative likenesses of them (usually in malls), there is no actual proof of their reality save the testimony of supposedly wise elders, often after the fact: “See, he came!”

Jesus is both real and larger than life in the minds of many children in this country. He is loved by many and he offers the promise of a wonderful gift. Beliefs and traditions have grown up around him. Although there are places a child can go to see representative likenesses of Jesus (churches), there is no actual proof of his reality save the testimony of supposedly wise elders after the fact: “See, he came! It says so in the Bible.”

Therefore I think it’s quite logical to put all three in the category of mythical beings. When rational thought replaces childlike faith - as it did for me – then one may choose whether or not to believe in any or all or none of them.

The paragraph in my blog to which you refer is simply a statement of fact. I once believed in Santa, the Bunny and in Jesus; I no longer do; either way (my current beliefs or whatever my grandson or anyone else believes) is okay if it is for good, in this case for his comfort.

Everyone else - Funny how many of us grown-ups are also spooked by the E.E.! I didn't mention it, but at times (because I'm short??) I've been startled almost into mid-air by the unexpected automatic flush.

Tanie - Yikes! Thanks for that helpful bit of information for anyone visiting England!

Pepper said...

What a sweetheart.

I dislike the modern tiolet. It freaks me out as well.

Craig D said...

Little Boy: Why... why d-did "Mister Whiskers" have to die?

Gramma: Well, Honey, I think I can best sum it up this way:

"On top of spaghetti..."

==================
Great story! As you can see, my recall of appropriate song lyrics ia sorely lacking.

Best Thanksgiving week wishes to all the wizards out your way...

The Lone Beader® said...

I guess I never thought of it that way... When I was little, it was obvious that Jesus was real, but obvious that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny were made up. And, I am not particularly religious by any means, but not believing in Jesus just sounds ridiculous to me. That would be like not believing in my mother, the President, or the Pope, just to name a few. On the other hand, not believing in God does not sound so ridiculous...

Just my 2 cents... LOL.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Becca said...

Wizard, you are absolutely not in that category! I enjoy hearing what you have to say and your responses to what I have written.

Get to packing and I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving as well. I must get to cooking!

captain corky said...

They really are a pain in the ass. Your grandson is on to something. ;)

Linda G. said...

Thanks for your lovely comment on my blog!
A very Happy Thanksgiving to you too:)

darkfoam said...

Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago, was on - two years ago on
Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the
restaur............etc., etc.....

okay, wizard..
what's the song?

:)

you have a great thanksgiving with your loved ones..

Kati said...

Happy Thanksgiving Wiz & fam!!!!! I hope y'all have a very blessed one!

Jocelyn said...

Ah, yes, lyrics of angels and whispering take root so easily in young minds. I cured my son recently of his automatic toilet flusher fear by *whispering* to him the secret that the word is actually "auto-magic." And I think I also figured out that I could put my hand over the motion detector, too. Magic and practicality have solved most life problems, really.

I've missed you and was so glad to see your comment at my blog.

CS said...

Too bad Jesus didn't tell him he didn't ned to be afraid. or at least to be cooperative even when he was afraid. Those are silly toilets, at any rate.

ThursdayNext said...

He is precious...just precious. :) I hope you had a lovely Thanksgiving - you are so blessed to have such a sweet grandson.

Slim said...

What a great post...I'm not even sure how I happened along to your blog (various clickings and such) but I'm glad I did. We seem to share similar ideas...I'll be back to read more.

Slip said...

Grand-ma hang your purse over the all seeing eye and it will be fooled into not flushing until you are ready!