Sunday, November 04, 2007


"You are in My Prayers"

My religious or spiritual beliefs are personal and not Christian. That's neither a boast nor a feeling of deficiency; it's just what I've come to believe over the course of time.

When I was a kid, I used to pray the ritual "now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to keep" and then add the "goblesses": gobless Mommy, gobless Daddy, gobless Gramma and Donna and Aunt Lil; but one night as I clasped my hands to pray for the undoing of a bad choice I had made, the voice of Reason within me said, "God is not listening to you, and even if he was, do you really think he'd grant your prayer and undo your stupidity?" And I did not pray. Not that night, and not for over thirty-six years. If I were trying to be really biblical here, I'd say "not for forty days and forty nights," but this wasn't a symbolic hiatus.

My resumption of prayer was brief: "Please God, help this baby," my unborn grandson, the reason for a team of medical personnel scurrying to answer a delivery room code. And then my agnostic self returned. I guess some habits run deep - like the way I still "rock" my supermarket cart while pondering various laundry detergent options, despite the fact that it's been almost thirty years since any little kid in my care needed the rocking. Maybe my early religious conditioning shoved my rational mind aside and took over for that instant in the birthing room.

I'm reminded of prayer and my rejection of it because lately a couple of friends have been going through some very hard times. Shaman is seriously ill, and there is a line of support that I am having trouble with. Most people would say, "You are in my prayers," but for me that would be a lie. Another friend, a survivor of breast cancer and the mother of one daughter who has battled the disease, has just learned that her other daughter has an aggressive breast cancer.

"You are in my thoughts" just sounds shallow to me. They are in my heart, a heart that aches with concern and caring, but they will not be in my prayers. Agnosticism does not supply answers or something to have faith in; it is the belief that whatever divine forces might exist or be at work are unknowable.

This aching heart, these hopes, is what I offer. I hope for the best for each of my dear friends, hope in a fervent and sincere way. My concern is no less than that of a Christian or a Jew or a Muslim or any other who prays, but it is not prayer.

And so, Shaman and Helen, I hold each of you in my heart, and I hope that you can feel these sentiments and know that this is my way, a way that I believe is no more and no less valid than prayer. But sometimes I wish I could just honestly say, "You are in my prayers." That would not need an explanation.
.

16 comments:

Kati said...

Wiz, however one chooses to put it, or view the expression of emotion & hope for another person, the purpose is the same. To say that you "hold them in your heart" means as much as to say "you're in my prayers" or "I'm thinking of you" or whatever other ways of expressing one's concern & love we may use.

Robin said...

Oh, Wiz....Your worry, pain, concern, love come so clearly through this post. I'm so sorry...and I'm sending all the good thoughts I can.

Anonymous said...

my heart beats with hope for your beloved friends..
foam

Craig D said...

Well, you've laid it out pretty clearly. You know none of us doubt your compassion or sincerity.

How do you feel about others praying for you?

Judy said...

You know, I've been a lousy blogmate lately. Time-wise, something had to give in my life, and I chose to take time away from visiting your blogs, everybody's blogs. I think about you all, enjoy reading your blogs, but I just haven't been around visiting.

Now here you are - Kati, Robin, Foam and Craig - bouying me up, being the thoughtful, good people I've come to know you as, despite my holing up and working on a myriad of half-finished projects. You are the best.

Craig, I believe we should each choose what "works" for us. Call it what you will. If you are moved to pray for me (or anyone), I feel blessed by your thoughts and prayers.

When I ride my horse on the woods roads, I usually sing. It probably has to do with the rhythm of the horse's gait and my pleasure in the riding. Invariably, one song that I sing is James Taylor's Rockabye Sweet Baby James, and there is a line in that song that I love:

There's a song that they sing when they take to the highway,
A song that they sing when they take to the sea,
A song that they sing of their home in the sky,
Maybe you can believe it if it helps you to sleep -
But singin' works just fine for me.


Different strokes for different folks. If prayer "works" for you, I'm happy for that. My variation "works" for me. Hopefully we can all celebrate and appreciate that different styles of expression add up to the same wishes for our loved ones and for this world. Craig, I think any prayer others make for me is an honor; unless, of course, it is a prayer that I become "religious" or accept someone else's doctrine.

Citymouse said...

craig too my question...day late...dollar short.

And you are not a bad blog buddy.
You have so much compasion and truth inside of you!

You are real, and that is why you are always in my thoughts, prayers, chants, spells, whatever!

meggie said...

You have expressed exactly how I feel about 'prayers'. I know I have been criticised for my lack of religious belief, but I am neither ashamed or drawn to lie about it. I just cannot have that type of belief, but like you, I believe my positive caring thoughts are no less powerful, or sincere because they are not under some umbrella of a religion.
I am sending positive thoughts to you, for your friends heartaches.

Robin said...

Oh, well said Meggie....

Anonymous said...

Amen!
According to the Wiki...
Prayer is the act of attempting to communicate, commonly with a sequence of words, with a deity or spirit for the purpose of worshiping, requesting guidance, requesting assistance, confessing sins, or to express one's thoughts and emotions. The words of the prayer may take the form of a hymn, incantation, or a spontaneous utterance in the praying person's words.

I pray to my cats for guidance sometimes! It's personal. Don't let the "rap" of others ruin or define what feels right for you - however you choose to describe it. Why is our world so literal about things that are unknowable? It annoys me more than I can say.

whimsical brainpan said...

(((HUGS)))

Being in someone's heart and receiving their good thoughts and energy is plenty powerful Wizard.

Robin said...

Wizend...I've sensed for a long while now that if I could 'visit' with you for a while, you would have a world to teach me. You've always seemed to be a practitioner of some kind of life I sense, but don't know how I can touch...being where I am, where I've come from, what I have to work with.

Tonight I visited my own blog in earnest and am now 'Howling at the Moon'. Thank you for the gift.

~Robin

P.S. I downloaded it.

Robin said...

Damn! I meant to say this days ago... Gobless you and yours...

Em said...

Sometimes when I read your blog I feel an almost unreal connection. You sometimes say the things that I don't know how to say. I've wondered so many times what to say when someone is in distress...and even though I so rarely pray, I often say "you are in my prayers" because they know I'm thinking about them. But you are right, it is, in some sense, a lie. I'm not praying for them. I may think of them when I meditate. I may think of them during the day. I care. But I don't pray. And you express that conundrum better than I ever could.

Thank you.

Becca said...

I am a Christian but one night I had a dream that kind of fits here. I was sad because I had not done something special for a friend. In my dream, my friend's father said to me: "Your friends don't need your gifts, you carry your friends in your heart, wherever you go."

I may not have quoted it exactly, but that was the sentiment. For me, prayer is carrying my family and friends'burdens/struggles/pain in my heart and presenting it always before God.

Becca said...

Thanks for stopping by. From what you said, do you think it is likely that those who have faced persecution are likewise more tolerant? These days, seems like many people feel free to scorn a belief in God while trying to take a high moral ground. That's just my thought, though.

CS said...

i generally go with "holding in my heart" as well, or sometime "you are in my thoughts." but i also love the quaker expresson of holding someone "in the Light."